hurts children. When
divorce becomes an adversarial war, children
innocent victims. Attorneys
and court proceedings can be important in addressing post-marital issues, but there is a
significant financial and emotional cost to an adversarial approach. Clients
can get caught up in a desire to have their lawyer punish an ex-spouse and
to make them ï¿½pay for what they have doneï¿½.
that becomes the objective, the price that you pay goes beyond
dollars. It results in a
loss of dignity and self-respect, and impairs your ability to enter
Most importantly, your children are
watching and wondering:
Mom, why are you so angry at dad?
Donï¿½t you know that I love him?
Dad, why are you so angry at
Donï¿½t you know that I love her?"
Mediation is an
option that provides a non-adversarial process in which you, with the
assistance of a professional impartial mediator, make decisions that
affect your life.
The mediator is a
neutral third party who cannot order you to do anything.
He or she will help defuse negative emotions, and help both of
you address important issues. Based
on their training and experience, mediators can suggest creative
solutions to problems both parties considered insolvable.
Instead of airing personal and painful subjects in a public
courtroom, they are dealt with privately in the mediatorï¿½s office.
The costs are significantly less than court litigation.
It also helps both parties avoid destructive battles that
impact their children, and lets them move on with their lives.
a typical mediation
session, a mediator will:
out the ground rules for communication and negotiation
the issues to be settled and promote exchange of information
common ground and shared interests between the parties
and promote discussion of possible options and solutions
in writing the mutual agreements reached by the parties
that you arrive at must be acceptable to both parties.
Each party reviews the mediated agreement with their legal
counsel to ensure all concerns are adequately addressed, and then the
agreement can be filed as a formal court order.
who are trained mediators can also provide an understanding of the
developmental needs of children and the psychological implications of
a decision as the parties work together to develop a positive
child-focused parenting arrangement.